As you all should know, I love my shows. A little too much. One such examples of these shows is Heroes. Now, Heroes hasn't been the entertaining thrill ride it used to be and a lot of people have started giving up on the show because the lack-of-quality lately. I, however, remain a devoted fan. But even I am starting to reach the end of my tether.

May I warn you now that unless you've seen every episode that has been aired in the USA, you will most probably be spoiled in my rant.

PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED.
You've been warned.

During Heroes' run, I've found a few characters to bestow my fanatic love upon, ie. think of the character as a favourite. As of recent episodes, both of my favourite characters have been killed off. These character's were also highly popular, as you can tell by the amount of people pissed off as much as I am.

And then there are the annoying characters that do nothing, get in the way or are just plain annoying to me. Nathan, who has remained alive after about five (guessed number) fake deaths which he's come back from every single time! Nathan is the most boring character in the show.

As well as his annoying biological daughter, Claire, who I used to be a fan of, until she didn't change and I started to feel the annoying. But Claire's like invincible, so I don't see her dying soon.

And then there's Noah, her adoptive father who spends all his time on the show doing what he claims to be as "protecting his family." I'm sick of him doing the same old bullcrap. The amount of times Claire told you to cut the shit out, and you haven't got the message still? They can protect themselves. Get a real job, Noah. Or better yet, go die. Please!

And of course, this leaves us with Tracy. The lame attempt to replace Niki, because Niki was killed off (and people liked Niki, too) but the creators of Heroes like Ali Larter too much to cut her loose. (Or more accurately, I believe they killed Niki off to give Ali a different role to play. Yawn, much?) Tracy is boring. Tracy is annoying. Tracy is alive. And as much as I yelled and screamed with joy when I saw her shattered into a hundred pieces on the last episode. No! Turns out, Tracy is still alive.

So, let's just say I am soooooooooo sick of those broken-record-same-shit characters. I am praying to my atheist non-existant god that in the final, or earlier if I'm lucky, that Noah, Claire, Nathan and Tracy die and that miraculously Elle and Daphne show up alive and well. Want to save your show? Do what I just said! Because if Hiro dies, I may very well give up on this effed show. (And there's a spoiler that a main character that's been on since season 1 will die in the final, so it could be Hiro...)

Your blogger,
Miss Alexiness.

As many of you know, I have spent weeks with shit-ass luck that has yet to finish. It has even gotten to the point where I don't remember everything this bad luck has given me. This shit has ranged from my sore back, my lock being broken, locking my keys in my locker, finding out about an incident involving Luke and a friend of mine (see other entry), getting sick, getting a cold the day after. Now I've managed to remain happy and cheerful (which is amazing for me) throughout all this bullshit.

As mentioned in other entries, I've been extremely excited for my birthday. Remarking how my birthday will fix all my bad luck and make me happy. This is mostly due to my excitment over hopefully getting an iPod Touch.

I have been told that I may not be able to get my iPod Touch.

Sounds lame for me to get worked up over, but I did. I lost it. Because that glimmer of hope that may end my bad luck streak just got infected by said bad luck and destroyed.

I'm a really material person. Meaning that items, objects, possessions etc. are what I shape my life over. My DVD collection, my computer, my phone, my iPod, etc. Hence my love of money. So getting my dream iPod for my birthday which has everything I want in it, makes me extremely happy. Especially when I've done countless amounts of research to ensure that it is perfect. Which, it is. I can live through a cold, a sore back and some annoyances at school. But when the item I dream for is taken away, it's worse than any of it.

Your blogger,
Miss Alexiness.

I have been massively lacking in blog entries lately, and for that I apologise. It's been too long since I've written an entry, so I'll update ya'll on what's happened. I'm not in the best mood right now, so excuse any negativity or "depressive" writing.

So, I heard some news about Luke that was surprising, and really bad. I don't really feel like writing it publicly on here, but I'm willing to tell anyone who doesn't yet know more privately or whatever. It's bad and involves a friend of mine and is a pretty typical stereotype of an asshole.

Reeling from this information, I decided not to dump him, although all my friends seem to think I should have. But I knew that if dealing with this news and the fact that I couldn't be with Luke for a few days, let alone forever, I knew there was no way I could dump him. But that didn't mean I was letting him off easily. Luke has been banned from seeing the previously mentioned friend alone outside school from now on. And if any such incident occurs again, dumping WILL happen. No matter what my feelings are.

But, to my friends this seems to be forgiving considering the situation. I haven't been harsh enough. Even though I've managed to reduce Luke to tears over this, it's still not enough?

So I came to the conclusion that I'm not doing this to keep my friends happy, I'm doing to keep me happy but not make me the dumbassed girlfriend who always says when they do it again, "This will be the last time, I know it... I'm sure." Even though, quite obviously it won't be. But I'm not like that, I know it. I'm not an idiot, far from it. And if it does happen again, I will make myself dump him, feelings be damned. That's when I know it's a lost cause. He promised me that he'll never do it again. And, unlike my friends, I trust Luke with my life. And just because he's kept this from me, doesn't mean that everything that's happened in the past year and a half means nothing. It means everything.

So there I go, ignoring my friends strong opinions and going with my gut and my heart by going back to Luke. At first, it was like it never happened, but I can tell things are different. I still haven't seen him outside school since hearing the news, and I'm not sure exactly what will come of it.

After all this, I've had a streak of shitassed bad luck. I burned my leg, my lock broke, I locked my keys in my locker and today I felt majorly shit for no reason. And on top of that, the Luke thing has thrown me backwards in my thinking. Things I thought I stopped doing, anxiety disorder wise, have started coming back. Being overdramatic, crying over jack all, trying to get attention, feeling shit from tiny comments... it reminds me of the old me. The me that I've spent so long trying to get rid of. Shy, bitchy, nerdy, typical, loser Alex. Old Alex. And dear fucking god I hate her more than anything on this earth. Because she is nothing. I don't want to be nothing again.

So sure, I may be scared massively of spiders, moths, heights, deep water and countless other things... but my deepest fear? Being the old me. And the one thing that pisses me off more than anything is being compared to HER. Being treated like I'm still here. Being coddled like a special person, being told I always do something...

That's why when someone assumes they know something about me, usually anything, I get pissed off. It's usually wrong, because fuck no, you don't know. Few people know me. I'm just fucking restricted all the time by this bullshit in my head. Shyness, anxiety disorder... whatever.

And on another topic, Morality. I'm so very, very, very sorry that I still haven't got around to writing. Anything. With reason though, see above. I swear I'll get to it! Really. So much shit has been going on, I just have to wait 'til it calms down. I don't have access to my computer, emotional crap, school work, burnt leg, plans... the list goes on. I'm hectic as! But I swear, when it calms down, I'll get to it.

So my birthday is about a month away! Wooooo~! Yeah, I cannot wait. I was finalising my birthday list yesterday (yes, I'm massively overprepared, deal with it) and I'm very excited. There's a possibility I'll get an iPod Touch, plus some DVDs, games and stuff. And on the note of presents, yes I will have a birthday party. And I thought I'd tell everyone here if you want to know what to get me:

JUST GET ME MONEY. IF YOU BUY ME A PRESENT, I WILL MAKE YOU TAKE IT BACK AND GIVE ME MONEY.

Why? Because the things I want are a bit too expensive, so I'm going to tell everyone to buy me DS games and DVD box sets. But if I get money, they all get pooled together and I can buy those things.

Another point: Twitter. I've noticed some of my friends have started getting it. (Finally!!) And some people have and then got it rid of it because "it looked too hard" or "it seemed comfusing". Others haven't even bothered because "it looks gay." Y'know that status message you can put on MySpace and Facebook where you tell everyone what you're doing? Yeah, take that and get rid of everything else on the social networking site and you're left with what Twitter is. You tell everyone what you're doing, reply to what other people are doing, etc. It's easy, not hard to manage, and addictive. You can set up Twitter through your mobile so you can tell people what you're doing on the go.

And if you have too many websites you have statues to update for, I have another solution. I use a website called Ping.fm. Ping.fm allows you to post your status through there and it sends it to all of your social network sites. You can also get that on your mobile. So, please, give Twitter a try!! It's not hard. I can help you out if you need the help too. Please, get Twitter.

Wow, I think I'm finally done ranting. It's a miracle.

Your blogger,
Miss Alexiness.

So, you may be new to my blog entries, you may not. In case you've missed my last few "sessions of blogs", I thought I'd give ya'll a run down right here.

I got a new MSN address, now found at forgotten-simplicity@live.com.

I created my new years resolution while rambling in a rather long blog entry. My resolution is to stop being overly-sensitive and shy, and stop myself from overthinking and doubting myself. While coming to the conclusion of this resolution I noted my progress over the last few months since quitting my job at McDonalds. I used a blog entry I wrote a few days after quitting, in which I confessed my depression and situation, as a basis to reflect on.

From the depressing entry itself:

I'm always lost.
I'm like those people on the TV show, minus the entertainment.

All I end up with is those questions in my head that don't go away.
Who am I? What do they think of me? Do they even know what's going on inside my head? When will be the day that I finally do something about my life? Am I destined to live this way forever?

And every time someone asks me if I'm okay, I have to lie, because fuck no I'm not, because I never am. And if I were to say that, the explanation wouldn't even make sense anyway. I don't even know what my problem is, let alone am I able to explain it to someone else.

I then talked about how I've changed so much in the small amount of time it's been since writing that entry. And that most people may not even notice that I've changed, but I myself certainly have.

From my resolution blog entry:

But reading that entry... reminded me of how I felt then. Only two months ago. It feels like a year ago to me. In the past two months I've changed a lot. Maybe not in a way that everyone can tell, but I have changed. I put a lot of effort into getting people to see the fact that I was feeling shit, that I was going through all of this hell. But then one day I just realised... they aren't noticing. I was making myself feel worse for the attention. Attention I wasn't getting. So that was when I decided to simply get over it. Stop being a lame, mopey loser who is trying to fix herself. I acted happy, I stopped myself overthinking when it got bad and I realised when I was having an anxiety-high day. I ignored my self doubt and focused on what I knew.

Anyway, enough about that entry.

I then did a blog entry advertising a story I will soon be writing. The advertisement I posted is posted below.













And now you're basically caught up on all my blog entries so far this new year. If you want to read the actual entries themselves, you can find them on MySpace here. As well as any other older entries you may wish to read.

Your blogger,
Miss Alexiness.